Thursday, 17 December 2009

Ugly Knits. They Happen to the Best of Us.

A Biggy McLargeHuge snowstorm is being forecasted for the weekend. This can only mean one's time for me to sit inside by my faux fireplace and frog what might be the ugliest knit ever:

Itchy Skirt 016

It's the Incredible Skirt by Wenlan, who, quite obviously is NOT a real knitter. Neither is the pattern editors apparently as it used up about twice as much yarn as the pattern called for, which is why my stripes are just about everywhere and the stripes did not transition with grace and dignity. The pattern was just all wrong.

I have a hard time walking around with my arms attached going the wrong way, which is why this skirt is much more Unflattering Earth Mother then Elegant Heroin Chic on me. Also, I weigh a bit over 83 pounds and my neck isn't freakishly giraffe-like.

Another issue is the bulky yarn. This will never flatter or hang right, but continue obeying gravity and end up pooling around my ankles like so many tears that I have cried in frustration over this. It's made of Lopi, which is a terribly scratchy yarn, but because I kept running out before the stranded transitions were through, I used some scraps and odd skeins of Brown Sheep as well. I knew as I was knitting along that this was a whole barrel full of wrong. I continued to knit feverishly, round and round and round until VOILA! An ill-fitting, nonsensically striped, scratchy long-ass skirt Incredibly materialized. I would have to wear jeans under this if I wanted to go the day without having a constant case of Itchybutt.

Itchy Skirt 012

The fact that this has been done with for more than a year and the ends have still not been woven end is one clue that I would never ever wear this. I had great luck with the Hip in Hemp skirt, and I thought I could repeat my success in a very heavy bulky yarn.

Coney Island

Anyway. I have learned my lesson. Frogging this will be cathartic. I will enjoy every ripped stitch of it.

1 comment:

  1. I second that emotion!!! I frogged mine about 6 months ago, and now every time I look at my stash and see the piles of Lopi balls spilling out all over the place, I feel a great sense of satisfaction coupled with a strong twinge (or cringe) at the wasted $$$. The skirt /should/ be beautiful. But the pattern is SO completely wrong that it ends up looking like a fuzzy potato sack with weird stripes. And, aside from the ridiculously bad pattern instruction, let's not forget the poor color reproduction. I'm sorry, but "grape heather" is NOT light blue as the picture shows. Anyway, your post rocks and I think my catharsis is finally complete now that I've ranted online and can share my misery and irritation with other Incredibly Ugly Skirt victims. :) Have a great next project!!!